I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
