Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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