Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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