Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
