Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
