Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
