she was so not down for the gang bang
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
try to milk me bitch
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