Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
