There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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