He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
