I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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