I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
