How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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