I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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