the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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