i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
