uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
