I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
