So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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