Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
