I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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