I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize