her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
