We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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