remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
its liver damage thursday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
