I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
