Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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