Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
