when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
