all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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