the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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