Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
