I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I touched a dick in church today
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
