Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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