her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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