We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
