soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
