I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
