first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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