I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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