we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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