I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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