After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
