I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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