I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize