In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
