Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
