im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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