I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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