She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
