Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
