I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
