So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
