I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
