Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
