We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's like God shit irony all over that family
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
