A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize