Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
