My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
