WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is Oprah even human
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize