You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
