I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
