in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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