i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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