1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
