Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
