...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
